I'm wide awake...

Yes, it is really 4:24 am, but I've been up since 3. In order to have an empty tummy for surgery Joseph couldn't have any food past 3:30am, so we nursed at 3 and then, after I put my sweetly sleeping child back into his crib, I cleaned bathrooms cuz that's what I do when I'm stressed. (Weird, I know.) I am confident in the eventual outcome of the surgery, all really will be well, but that doesn't stop me from feeling anxious and sad when I think about the pain my little baby will go through between now and then; I've been known to randomly burst into tears as I go through my day. At first I wondered if this was a sign of lacking faith and then I realized that even Jesus wept at hearing of the death of Lazarus...and He was going to bring him back to life! His sadness was for the present loss of a friend and for the distress of Mary and Martha. So, taking my cue from the Savior, I embrace my tears and swinging emotions because they are for my son's pain...but I joy in life-saving medical procedures, priesthood blessings, and the sweet comfort of the Holy Ghost. Our present distress is a prelude to Joseph's health and happiness.

A Matter of the Heart

Chad and I have had to re-learn how to breathe. In moments of stress and anxiety you stop breathing and then gasp and pant only to stop once again. The body is so tense, every muscle clenching, but that is your new normal; ease of mind and heart are forgotten. It is only when you remember the wise counsel of the Lord to "be still and know that I am God" that you learn again to relax and breathe and leave things in His more than capable hands. This precious son of mine, so small and helpless, has only been mine for a few short weeks. He was God's long before and is still, and He is able to watch out for Joseph far better than I am. So, as we deal with pulmonary valve stenosis and look ahead to percutaneous coronary intervention, all terms and phrases I didn't know existed until now, I am grateful to have the help of heaven. We have felt great peace in the face of bad news and we have experienced the inexplicableness of faith; how it will be alright cannot be expressed logically, but Joseph will be alright just the same. Thank you for your prayers; they are much appreciated and everything really will be well for God is in the details.

Hilarious Homework Returns

In Merritt's class the kids do writing responses. They are supposed to write five COMPLETE sentences in answer to a question on the board. Merritt doesn't seem terribly interested in the assignment; he just wants to get it done as fast as possible in order to turn the paper over and draw pictures on the back.

In answer to the question "What is your favorite book?" Merritt wrote:
"Goosebumps is my favret because. They can scare me. and I like that. Plus the covers are cool. and my favret are horor land."

Oddly enough, those are actually (loosely) complete sentences (minus two coordinating conjunctions and a subordinate conjunction). Weird. Moving on!!

In answer to the question "What are you good at?" Merritt wrote:
"Merritt's smart. about dinos. because I. am smart. about dinos."

I'm convinced he gets credit for this because the teacher has such a good laugh. Or maybe she likes the art work. On the back of this particular masterwork is a picture of Merritt teaching Joseph about the mighty T-Rex.
Obviously Merritt is a good teacher, because Joseph has totally grasped the concept of the T-Rex!

And finally, an essay. Let me give you a little background on this though. Chad took Merritt to the local recycling center to drop off our plastics and cardboard (we're trying to save our corner of the earth). While they were out and about, Merritt said that he wished there was a "Yes Day" so that he could ask for anything he wanted and we would have to say "yes." Now...on to the essay.
"last Satrday I was begearing (begging) for a holladay called Yesday. I wanted that holladay more than eneything then I wanted in the world. So I asked Dad and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and asked and my dad said no so I gave up."

It's so awesome. I think it's even better that it is so unintentionally funny. :D

I LOVE THIS CRAZY KID!!!

Slow Down the Clock

"'A' you're adorable, 'B' you're so beautiful, 'C' you're a cutie full of charm"...do any of you know that song? My mom used to sing it to us; along with "The poor old slave" and a clever ditty about a moth and a light bulb. Anyhoo, I digress, but it's fun to remember the things my mom did for us. She made the most awesome paper dolls. She would draw ladies in beautiful dresses with elaborate hair-do's and then Jaime and I would color them and cut them out ever so carefully. We used to play with those things for hours. But again...digression...back to my song. It pops into my head whenever I look at Joseph. A newborn's facial expressions are so mercurial; by turns you see a fleeting smile, a wrinkled brow, pursed lips, the beginnings of a cry, wide-eyed surprise, and that look of intense concentration that comes right before they poop. Their face is better than the best t.v. show and I hate to look away because I'll miss something wonderful, I just know it. I'm trying to treasure up every moment because these days won't come back to me. I'll have my children forever, but they will only be a wonderful newborn, or a curious and delightful 3 year old, or a eager, helpful 5 year old, or a intelligent 8 year old connecting the dots of life once, just once. I will not know them this way again. Slow down life!! Let me hold Joseph a few minutes longer. I need more time to build block towers with Grant that he can smash and giggle over. One more story for Grace please while she snuggles close! Stay with me Merritt and tell me one more factoid about dinosaurs or jellyfish or giant squids. Don't grow so fast!

Happy Birthday To....US!

I received the best birthday present ever...

Joseph was born on my, now OUR, birthday.
Words can not express how absolutely precious he is or how privileged I feel to share that day with him. I look forward to saying to him on our birthday, "Happy Birthday Son." And he will smile at me and say, "Happy Birthday Mom." What a beautiful thing.

The Master's Hand

We traveled up to BYU campus to see the magnificent Carl Bloch altar paintings on display at the Museum of Art. It is the first time these paintings have EVER been out of their respective churches in Denmark and Sweden. It was a wonderful experience to see them; they are so beautiful and exude a powerful spiritual feeling. The first one we saw left me speechless and in tears. It was The Doubting Thomas.
The colors were so vivid, the use of light and shadow so dramatic, the face of the Savior so peaceful, and feeling of peace so overwhelming. Merritt looked at the painting and said, "Look Mom! This painting was just finished yesterday, it's still wet!" Indeed, the paint did look wet; it has been marvelously preserved. Even though it was done in 1881 there are no signs of age, no drying and cracking of the paint. It was as though Bloch had just stepped back from the final brush stroke.

We went from room to room, sitting in the thoughtfully provided chairs and contemplating the life of the Savior. We saw:

Christ Healing the Sick at Bethseda - 1883
(This particular painting is owned by the BYU Museum of Art. It was acquired in 2003.)

Christ in Gethsemane - 1879

Christ and the Young Child - 1873

Christus Consolator - 1884

There were also on display a number of Bloch's other works. We saw portraits he had painted of family members and others, studies he had done while in Italy, other religious works such as The Daughter of Jarius, a beautiful painting that captures the moment of a mother's grief over the death of her daughter just as the Light and Life of the World enters the door; and Down From the Cross, which depicts the sorrowful and reverent actions of Jesus' disciples as they wrap his body at the base of the cross. Also on display were many etchings, one of which Chad and I just adored. It is entitled The Nativity and it is truly beautiful. My favorite thing about it is the pure and sweet face of Mary; Bloch did it so well.

It was such a wonderful experience to see this artwork. I'm so glad we took the time to do so. I love the feeling that viewing beautiful things gives me; I feel like a better person. I'm glad we had the chance to show them to the children as well, I loved their expressions and comments. Thanks to Heather, Mom and Dad for accompanying us too...even though dinner following was full of drama!! You all are troopers!

I'm So Weirded Out!

I'm not an avid tv watcher. It seems like most everything on television is either smut or violence; or smut and violence. It's depressing how we make our most base inclinations into entertainment. I do, however, like to watch certain things like Cash Cab (I think I'd win some money on one of those rides) or Pawn Stars (they bleep lots of things they say, but that is a funny family and they get the most interesting things in that shop!). Then there is my favorite: The Biggest Loser. I don't know why I find it so fascinating. Maybe because it is in the form of a classic redemption story; people who've abused their bodies and lost faith in themselves discover their worth through hard work and sacrifice. Something like that. I realize that the participants on these reality tv shows are real people from real towns with real families, someone knows them but I never do. People I know don't go on reality tv shows; they are all too down to earth for that kind of nonsense. Well, that used to be true...but not anymore. This season of Biggest Loser features a guy from my hometown. It's true!! What are the odds that a town of 500 people would produce a reality show contestant? It's so surreal to watch him on the show and kind of icky too. Who knew that anonymity made reality tv better? I mean, I wish Justin well and hope that he regains his health and peace of mind, but all of a sudden The Biggest Loser is now providing t.m.i. for me. I still watch the show but it makes me squirm. You would be weirded out too!