Friday, March 11, 2011
I'm wide awake...
Yes, it is really 4:24 am, but I've been up since 3. In order to have an empty tummy for surgery Joseph couldn't have any food past 3:30am, so we nursed at 3 and then, after I put my sweetly sleeping child back into his crib, I cleaned bathrooms cuz that's what I do when I'm stressed. (Weird, I know.) I am confident in the eventual outcome of the surgery, all really will be well, but that doesn't stop me from feeling anxious and sad when I think about the pain my little baby will go through between now and then; I've been known to randomly burst into tears as I go through my day. At first I wondered if this was a sign of lacking faith and then I realized that even Jesus wept at hearing of the death of Lazarus...and He was going to bring him back to life! His sadness was for the present loss of a friend and for the distress of Mary and Martha. So, taking my cue from the Savior, I embrace my tears and swinging emotions because they are for my son's pain...but I joy in life-saving medical procedures, priesthood blessings, and the sweet comfort of the Holy Ghost. Our present distress is a prelude to Joseph's health and happiness.
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3 comments :
Joanna, you so faithful, brave and strong and I am deeply sad for the sorrow you are going through. I was so relieved to hear from Jaime that the surgery went well for your sweet baby. He is in so many prayers and thoughts. I am thinking and praying for you as well. One of my favorite quotes:
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."~ Washington Irving
Joanna. My thoughts and prayers are with you and baby Joseph and the rest of the family! What a struggle this must be! You are a tremendous example of faith for your family and to the world! I love you and am sending prayers and happy healing thoughts your way!
Joanna your family will be blessed. This is just a trial because even the faithful must be tried and tested.
It is so hard at times to understand why, but we are training our whole body and soul to "Bind Our Will To His"
We are praying for Joseph and the family. Sending your our hugs!!!
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